The Times They Are A-Changin

Hi again internet. It's me, you're favorite neurotic weirdo, Sarah. I'm here to drop some more knowledge on you. Not really I'm just going to seizure all up on my keyboard for about 30 minutes until all the crazies come out and you can read all about it!

I'm not sure if you know this, but stress has a (not) funny way of triggering OCD episodes unlike anything else. And for the sake of this post, I'll tell you right now that I'm under a tiny bit of stress. Ok lots. It's times like this that I feel an increase in weirdo little thought bubbles popping up uninvited into my brain space. I was not surprised at all when I woke up in the middle of the night on my dad's birthday with a panic attack because my OCD was convinced that my muscle soreness in my left leg was caused by a blood clot. Or when my mind raced in between thoughts of getting a job as a pharmacy tech and the little freckle on my nose that is surely melanoma. Or when I was convinced that H. pylori is surely giving me stomach cancer while I had some tummy issues while helping my mom move across the country.

Can we not, Sarah?

So my UT pharmacy college application is due 11/3/14, no big deal. Only my entire future depends on this. I've been going back and forth between my application, my personal statement, and struggling not to google "pancreatic cancer in younger populations". I've re-read my essay over 100 times and I'm having some difficulty deciding if this is normal and helpful or completely compulsive. Maybe I'll just give it one more read? This time in an english accent, ha HA!

I've been having some difficulty deciding when my OCD is actually an adaptive tool to help me get shit done and where it is totally bat-shit bananas. I've decided to cut myself a bit of slack and have resolved that in the case of my application, it's actually great that I've taken so much time to make sure it's perfect. How's that for being strengths-based?

The thing is, I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm able to squash many of the insecure "what's that spot" questions that pop into my brain. And above all I'm better at accepting that I will have these feelings during times of turmoil. After all, a feeling is just a feeling, right? It's not the end of the world and it DOES NOT define me. I'm still here. And I'm actually rocking it (life, that is) right now. Take that mental illness, I can have OCD AND be awesome and successful at the same time.

What I really wanted to do in this post is to remind y'all to be easy on yourselves, take a step back, and acknowledge and celebrate your successes. Especially when they are in spite of tremendous difficulties. You're all awesome.

I feel better already. Thanks for stopping by, San Diego!